Buddy, I am Gonna
Sue You in the Face!
May 23rd, 2003
I was sitting on the floor the other day fighting with a cockroach over my last Oreo cookie when I realized, ‘holy shit, I’m fighting over an Oreo with a cockroach!’ I decided to battle the stomach pains instead, and let him win. As I sat back, my disgust turned to joy when I saw a news story about a man who is suing Oreo because it contains hidden fat. Two things came to mind. 1) A cockroach just saved my life, and 2) The litigation floodgates are busted open! If some fatty can sue a cookie, I’m joining in the fun.
From now on, I’m suing everything. No longer will I have to battle insects to stay alive. Whenever I need a little cash, I’ll be suing. I’ll sue men. I’ll sue women. I’ll sue small babies who cry too much. Here’s who else I’ll sue:
And I’ll blame it all on Marilyn Manson.
I’ll sue you. Silentguerrs@aol.com