New Ways to Annoy Me
June 4th, 2003
I made a big mistake this weekend. I saw Finding Nemo. In a gigantic theater. With hundreds of tiny children. Do you realize how many more miniature humans you can fit into a theater than normal sized people? Well, it’s the same, but they’re all 10 times louder. If you’re seeing this movie on a Sunday afternoon, you bring certain expectations of who will be sitting around you. You just don’t expect the horror I had to endure.
Five minutes into the previews, I knew I was in
trouble. The swelling mass of fidgeting bodies around me said I should
have just walked. Forget that 7 bucks, buddy. Get the hell out of
there! Unfortunately, I already settled in with some corn and an Icee.
I was stuck. Just before the movie started, the crowd began to settle.
This was going to be a pleasant experience after all... Until they
movie went on, and so did Josh. Mommy and daddy sporadically said,
‘Josh, shh,’ but that’s all. At the end, I received
another weak apology from the dad. I shrugged it off. These are people
who think having a kid is an excuse to be blameless, but just because
their child is blameless doesn’t mean they are. I guarantee
Josh does this all the time, and is never disciplined for it, hence
the Ked to the head. Telling a child, “Josh, shhh,” is
like telling a smoker, ‘Those things’ll kill ya!’
He will only respond to action. So I tracked them down in the parking
lot, took off my size 11, and smacked Josh in the head with it. You
know, just hard enough that he knew I meant business. I did my part
to save that young boy from becoming a spoiled high school jock. His
parents stood there. Doing nothing.
I’m beginning to think I’m subconsciously seeking out things that will anger me. Silentguerrs@aol.com