Introducing Our
New Atkins Approved Meat!

August 20th, 2004

Well folks, we finally did it. We have caved in and made sure that, like
everything else in the country, we have an Atkins Approved Menu. I feel it's
time the Decking Crew broadened its horizons, and appeased even the laziest of
dieters. Now that we can officially call ourselves Atkins Approved, it's hard to think
what this website was without it. Probably much fatter, I would imagine. And
much less gullible.

And now, introducing our New Carb Busting Atkins Friendly Meat!

The Atkins Approved Bagel!

This delightful discus has the shape of a bagel, but none of the carb-ridden guilt of dough! That's because it's completely made from hamburger meat! Mmmm, tasty. Slice it in half, spread some Nutella inside, and make all your friends jealous with that thin waist line! You're well on your way to powerbombing those carbs!


Atkins Approved Carb-Curbing Water!

We put Carb's teeth on the curb and stomp! You'll be wondering how they
extracted the carbs out of the water and still kept that naturally refreshing flavor taken straight from a spigot in the projects! You water you can have, but the secret, she's-a-mine!

Invented by Resident Genius Brad Shaffer.

Atkins Approved Steak

Watch the pounds melt away as you wave off that carb-heavy roll and substitute it for a slab of bacon! That's right, the new Atkins Approved Steak is a bloody steak cooked over charcoal briquettes infused with pig fat. The steak is then topped with crispy bacon, plump sausage, pig's feet (from the same pig whose fat was used in the charcoal, of course!), and topped with a heaping ball of crisco. Now THAT'S what I call carb-raping! Bon Appetit!

Atkins Approved Bicycle

This brand new extension of the Atkins diet goes beyond simply eating, and now incorporates exercise! To encapsulate the whole premise behind the Atkins diet into one exercise machine, the bike is retrofitted with a big, pink dildo so that
instead of forking over tons of cash for "Atkins-Approved" burgers that are just
meat without a bun, you can just get fucked in the ass directly! Go Atkins

Sit and Spin, Atkins Lovers.

So hang out for a while, enjoy our great new menu, and remember...Because it's Approved by someone...anyone... That MUST mean it's good for you!

If you lost weight just reading this article, chew the fat with

© 2004 The Decking Crew