Miss South Carolina:
A Reflection of Our Times

By: Guerrs
August 30th, 2007

Okay, look. This has gotten out of hand. Everywhere I turn on this here Internet landscape, I see news coverage, video sites, and a million terrible parodies of Miss South Carolina giving her unintelligible speech at Miss Teen USA. It's been seen on YouTube over 8 million times. 8 MILLION TIMES! For anyone unfamiliar, this is the video:

Now, I'm as excited as the next great American when someone deservedly fucks up on national television, but is her answer really any different than any other answer the Miss Teen contestants give? It's all a bunch of random words strung together to thinly veil that this contest is about looks. The problem with this clip is that it isn't all that funny. I haven't watched more than 4 minutes of a Miss Teen USA pageant in my whole life (although with Albert Clifford Slater hosting, I see that I was missing out), but I've always assumed this is what every contestant sounds like when they answer these questions. These girls are not on TV because of what they have to say. It's because 50-year-old men who could never afford cable need something free to unzip their pants to once a year.

I understand that by writing about this, I'm only drawing more (more = 9 people) attention to it, but I guess I just don't understand the 'buzz.' It was a superfluous question accompanied by a ridiculous answer. And is it a worse representation to our country that one woman gave a bad answer, or MILLIONS of people are mocking her to feel better about themselves?

The wackiest part about this is that Miss South Carolina has received EVEN MORE press for being a dumbshit. She was allowed to go on morning shows for a 'second chance' at the answer. Why?? Her first answer was EXACTLY what America wanted. Complete fuckuperry. (Not a word, but damn it should be) You can't recapture the magic.

In a time when 'viral videos' (I use the term with joyful contempt) give us mind-numbing entertainment such as Chocolate Rain, Otters Holding Hands, and Man Fucks Cow While Eating Steak (one of those isn't up yet), this latest Miss Teen seems sadly appropriate. But when is the Internet, and perhaps Internet Viewers, going to live up to their potential?

If you'd like to prove how I'm only adding to the problem, like, such as, writing about it, further the furor at Guerrs@thedeckingcrew.com

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