Political Wars:
Your Intergalactic Guide to the Election

November 1st, 2004

With the election one day away, we here at the Decking Crew find it our civil duty to guide you in your big decision at the voting booth. But don't worry. You won't find endless rhetoric about missing weapons or name-dropping of lesbian daughters and recently deceased Supermen. Just a list of who's who in the political arena the only way we know how. Using Star Wars.

 

THE CANDIDATES

George W. Bush

Think of G Dubs as the Emperor. He wields the power, controls our Empire, and takes over foreign regions at will. Oh, and a lot of people think he's evil.

John Kerry

Kerry's probably most like Solo in the way that now, as opposed to many years ago, he would probably let Greedo shoot first before attacking.

Ralph Nader

Ralph Nader is like that oddity Admiral Ackbar. He's amusing when he talks, but you can never really take him seriously. It's a trap!

 

THE SUPPORTING CAST

Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney. The man behind the mask. The crusty old Grandpa who may very well get replaced by someone younger and undeniably handsome. Kinda like what happened in the Return of the Jedi DVD.

Condoleeza Rice

Condolando has been placed in a tough position. She runs with a bad crowd and is forced to lie to the people who want to trust her.

Michael Moore

Finally, there's Michael Moore. Just like Jabba the Hut, Moore is here to generally fuck around with everyone for his own amusement. But I bet he'd trade his carbonite Han Solo for a chance to drop Bush in the Rancor Pit. Or maybe just trade it for a bucket of Crisco.

Happy Voting!

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