Footloose II: Footloosier
A Film by C.W.
April 5th, 2005
The Motion Picture
is the definitive art form of our time. The silver screen is the perfect
medium for allowing audiences to connect with the thoughts, motives,
and emotions of characters. It allows the collaboration of writers,
musicians, actors, and directors to create truly unique snapshots into
humanity or fantasy; history or the future. The public is transfixed
more by film more than any other medium....except performance art where
people paint with a brush up their ass. What can I say? Ass-painting
never seems to lose it’s cache.
assuming you’re all familiar with the original Footloose, released
in 1984 and starring Kevin Bacon, a bunch of other actors who pale in
comparison to Bacon’s greatness. And John Lithgow.
In Footloose, the firebrand dancer/gymnast Ren McCormack (Bacon) moves to a small Oklahoma town from New York City to finish high school. Like all great films, the origins of his travels are poorly explained. Suffice it to say, it's a family matter. At any rate, McCormick learns that his new town forbids dancing, although ironically, the local high school is a gymnastics powerhouse. The source of cultural oppression in town is the Reverend (Lithgow) who feels that such agressive rock and roll as Men at Work and Flock of Seagulls will corrupt his youth and result in violent mayhem.
In time, the attitudes of McCormack and Lithgow polarize the town, as McCormack tries to organize a high school dance. Enlisting Chris Penn as a confidant, McCormack begins to win over the youth of the town, while simultaneously, the Reverend garners support and aligns the town against the dance.
much soul-searching, some “tractor chicken”, Chris Penn’s
impromptu dance lessons set to Tiffany’s “Let’s Hear
if For the Boy”, and some awesome angst-ridden barn gymnastics
by McCormack, the Reverend gives the dance his blessing, and the town
is better for it. Especially McCormack, because he gets laid by the
Reverend’s daughter, who is the town piece of ass. In all great
films featuring a Reverend and a town, the town’s hot piece of
ass is always the Reverend’s daughter, and Footloose abides by
this never-tiresome convention.
Footloose II - Treatment of Screenplay - by C.W. Swank (pseudonym)
Introduction - The year is 2004, and Ren McCormack has spent the last twenty years as a firebrand dance instructor/playboy in New York City. He’s a recent widower, and after experiencing his wife of two years’ untimely death (the cause will not be explained, as per the guidelines of great films) McCormack laments that perhaps he’s spent too much time dancing to Kenny Loggins and not enough time focusing on what really matters. In the midst of his despair, he gets word from the Reverend (Lithgow) that his old buddy Chris Penn has died. The news sends McCormack reeling into a binge of coke, booze, and dancing to Kenny Loggins, after which he returns to Oklahoma for Chris Penn’s funeral.
Sanderson - (played by Patrick
Swayze) - Sanderson is the owner/operator of the large industrial
farm employing most of the town, and he delights in keeping the townspeople
under his thumb with menacing tactics. Legend has it he failed to make
the 1984 US Olympic gymnastics team when he hit his nads doing a scissor-kick
on the pommell horse. This, of course, explains why he’s such
a dick. Another explanation for his rampant dicktitude is the fact that
he’s squeezing as much money as possible out of the town to build
his dream industrual farming project - a chicken ranch where he will
produce MSG-enhanced “xtreme fritters” These “xtreme
fritters” are just like chicken nuggets, except genetically altered,
so he must brand them as “xtreme fritters”, since “KFC”
was already taken.
|Rita Penn (Sarah Jessica Parker) - Rita is Chris Penn’s widow. She is now the town’s hot piece of ass, since the Reverend’s daughter left to do porn after high school graduation. She harbors a great deal of anger, particularly at Finch Sanderson, who was Chris Penn’s opponent in his untimely tractor-chicken debacle.|
||Dude McDude - (Sam Elliot) - McDude is Sanderson’s main henchman. He’s handy with the steel, but can only dance to the slow songs. He has no purpose in the film except for a Sam Elliot cameo.|
|Chris Penn, Jr. - (Chris Klein) - Jr. is a beefy, spitting image of his father, who is constantly getting into trouble with the local police. He’s distraught over his father’s death, and exhibits frequent violent outbursts. He has no release for his pent-up frustrations, since he can’t dance or do gymnastics, so he sniffs paint.|
(you try and find a pic of him wearing these glasses on the internet!)
|Dwayne the Token Black Guy- (Kadeem Hardison) - Dwayne is the token black guy. He doesn’t have much in life, but he has rhythm. Plus, he has a pair of really sweet flip-top glasses, because he’s played by Kadeem Hardison.|
|Scott Bakula is not appearing in Footloose II because he sucks.|
Are you ready for the greatest story ever told?