The Steel Wheel Rolls for Empire
October 13th, 2003

The following was written by a dedicated fan of Star Wars known to you now as The Steel Wheel. Or you can call him John, if you'd like.

Top 100 Movies of All Time

On Saturday night, after the restaurant was closed I had a conversation with a guy at the end of the bar waiting for a couple of his friends to finish their shift. It turns out that this guy used to be an employee but was let go for offering too many relaxing and soothing “back rubs”. Anyway, we got on the conversation of movies and the guy starts to tell me that he has his top 100 movies memorized. In addition, any year that I name, he can name the Oscar winner (best actor) and best picture! So he tells me that his number one movie is Casablanca, number two, Gone with the Wind, and number three, The Godfather. . And continues with the likes of Singing in the Rain, The sound of Music, and finally to Star Wars, A New Hope, at number 9.

At this point I am more annoyed and disturbed than amazed but I had nothing else to do, so I ask which of the Star Wars films he thinks is the finest. He replies, “Episode 4, of course.” Now, just plain pissed off I let him know that Empire is far and away the finest of the series. He disagreed, but anyone who has Singing in the Rain and The Sound of Music in their top Ten doesn’t have a leg to stand on.

There is no argument in my mind that Empire is the tour-de-force of the series. We are introduced to the complex relationships of the main characters, the mood and tone are decidingly dark and foreboding, the soundtrack is brilliant (if you don’t have the Empire double disk soundtrack I’ll burn it for you), and the film’s special effects were huge advances over what had been done before. Yes, the acting is a bit campy, but the overall story is compelling and engaging. The characters are over-exaggerated for a reason.

My Top Ten Reasons why Empire is the Finest

1. The Empire triumphs

2. Luke gets the crap kicked out of him by Vader (as it should be since Vader had years of training and experience versus Luke’s three days), and loses his hand.

Fuck you, Dad!

3. Yoda. Frank Oz is incredible and Yoda pulling Luke’s x-wing from the swamp became a trademark scene (see episode 2)

4. Boba Fett. He was just plain cool, even if he really didn’t do anything

5. The ground battle on Hoth. AT-AT’s are sweet (especially the original toy)

Marketing rules.

6. The emperor and the Sith

7. The Imperial March. The Empire/Vader theme still gives me goose bumps

8. The chase through the Asteroid field, especially when the smaller star destroyer gets nailed and you see the captain get wiped off the screen.

9. Lando Calrissian. And I don’t even like Colt 45, Billy Dee.

It works every time for what?

10. Han Solo in Carbonite. If that scene doesn’t stir a tear you have no heart.

Long live the true Spirit of Star Wars!

- John

P.S. West Side Story is a better musical then either of those moron’s two picks….not that I like musicals or anything….

P.P.S. - Lieberman is the Sith Lord

Is it just me or does Joseph Lieberman (democratic senator, and candidate for president, or should I say chancellor) have a striking resemblance to the Dark Lord of the Sith?

I think it is safe to say that these two are one and the same.

He says he will not let this republic that has stood for 300 years be split in two. Hmmm….we’ve heard that before.

We must warn the Jedi Council.

© 2003 The Decking Crew